Sharing my story
December 2020
I usually consider myself to be a busy person, striving to strike a balance between carving out plenty of painting time in the studio, working a part-time job, fulfilling caring responsibilities and spending time with my partner. Having a lot of demands on your time is, I think, something that most of us are familiar with.
There is also the matter of finding time to do all the things that are so important to our health and mental wellbeing. Practicing meditation, yoga, gratitude, healthy eating, exercise, time spent in nature, attending therapy sessions, reading, seeing friends and loved ones to name a few.
These last few months, however, I have decided to add another dimension to the ever growing list of things that eat up my time and take me away from my painting. I have been doing an online course on business, and this has certainly opened up my eyes to a whole new world of things that I need to be doing. One of which is starting a blog, hence here we are.
It has been really insightful and interesting and so, so worth it. One of the aspects of the course that has been the hardest for me has, very surprisingly, not been the tech side of things (and believe me, that is saying something!). It has actually been getting to grips with the idea that it is important for me to share my story and the story behind my work in order for people to be able to engage with it. As a massive introvert, this prospect feels incredibly daunting.
For a long time I have felt that when people look at my work they just don’t ‘get it’. This is not because my art is only intended to be accessible to a select few elite individuals who have the capacity to ‘understand’ my work. Not at all.
It is because my work is so personal to me, and so deeply connected to my mental health issues that it has always been not just hard but seemingly impossible to share the true meaning behind my work with people. It has always felt too personal, too private and too tied up in intense feelings of shame.
Yet ironically I think this mindset may be keeping me stuck in these feelings and this dilemma. As Brene Brown says, “Shame derives it’s power from being unspeakable”, suggesting that to find a voice to express those feelings will reduce the power they have over you. So it is my hope that this blog will help me to address this issue and slowly allow me to begin to unravel some of the hidden stories, symbols and meanings behind my work.
